Last night I went to Target to get the usual suspects; laundry soap, kitchen sponges, etc. I also went to get the last few items on my oldest son's(My bean) school supply list. Target was a madhouse. Many new and returning University students were there with parents getting dorm rooms stocked and comfort items found. Several families with children of varying ages were also there to get last minute school items. There were only a few carts left at the front of the store and the isles were packed with people. I have been struggling to find the colored copy paper listed on Bean's school supply list. I have looked several places and Target was the last place I was going to look before I threw my hands up in surrender to his new 1st grade teacher.
When I couldn't 't find the paper I needed I decided to head over to the cleaning supplies. That's where the anxiety started. There were so many people on each isle. So many moms buying toilet brushes and vacuums for their babies who were leaving home for the first time. I overheard discussions about laundry soap and bar soap. I even listened to a mom and a dad talk about whether the box of 400 dryer sheets would last their daughter an entire semester. Overall I am not an anxious person. I have struggled with anxiety in the past but I work very hard at keeping a calm spirit. I am not sure why, but I couldn't do it this time. No matter how hard I tried I felt that familiar, aching in my stomach and it increased with each step. It became very frustrating that I couldn't identify the reason for my inward turmoil. Was it all the people? Was it the fact that my purse, although buried by future purchases, was in the front of my cart and I could hear anyone who is, was, or ever thought about being a mother telling me in my head to move it(I did by the way)? Or, was it just the realization that before I want it too, my now first grader, preschooler and cheerio eating infant would be the ones buying cleaning products and hand sanitizer for their dorm rooms? Whatever the reason, I was to the point of getting tearful.
As I was making a third loop around the store to find that copy paper I remembered that I need a couple of school supplies too. I am starting school on Monday with my boys. I am only taking one online class but as a mother of three with other responsibilities, it is going to be a challenge. I made my way to the paper section of the school supplies and although I didn't find the copy paper, I did find a purple spiral notebook with flowers on it. I don't know if I even need it, but it sure made me feel better. Something about it, its purple hue, the flowers, not sure. It just helped. As I walked towards the front, new notebook in hand and still copy paperless, I was finally able to put my finger on my troubles. I am yet again entering a new season. I have two kids in a five day school now. I have a baby who is getting closer to her first birthday by the minute. I am now not only a wife and mommy but I am also a student. I am adding a new hat to my collection of roles and part of that is so exciting and part of that is so terrifying. I don't want to be the mom that does it all, I just want to do all that I have been called to do, well.
We bought a white board for the house to display chores, our family mission statement, and a verse for the family for each week. I am prayerfully deciding what the first verse should be, but I am leaning towards Philippians 4:6-7 or Joshua 1:9. Either way these verses will be the theme of my week and the weeks to come. Its going to be an exciting fall and as long as I am trusting the Lord and not myself and seeking Him in all things, He will direct my path.(Proverbs 3:5-6)
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NLT)
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