Mom guilt

As moms we all have things we feel we must do to be good parents. Whether we have read it in a book, have seen someone do it, or just listened to moms talking, we often get an idea of how we want to parent before our kids are born. Sometimes, as hard as we try, we just can't do some of those things or we realize there is a better way for us. We try to let it go but we can't and that's when it starts. Mom guilt. That feeling that you have failed as parent because you didn't do something like you thought it had to be done. We have all felt it. We see our mom friends, read blogs, and watch perfect strangers accomplish that thing or things we didn't, and we feel tremendous guilt. Most of the time it's our own insecurities, but sometimes even our well-meaning friends "help us" by asking things like; "Oh, you let your child watch that?" or "We don't allow Tommy to eat that." The guilt you are already experiencing is multiplied because now you think "Not only am I not accomplishing everything I thought I should at this point, but my friend thinks I am a loser mom too." There is also a thing my husband calls, "Quiet disapproval". Those times when we clearly don't agree with what our mom friend is doing, but instead of just saying it, we sit in silence, all the while we are thinking "If they would only do it like we do, then they wouldn't have that problem."

You know what? I am so tired of that garbage. First of all, we as mom's should be supporting one another. Being a mom is hard. No matter how you do it, it's tough. Second, being a godly mom is even tougher. Raising your kids to love God, to love the people around them, and to see themselves in light of God's love for them is a real challenge. I think it's time we stop looking down our noses at each other and start praying for each other. We should be encouraging each other in our walks with the Lord. We should be offering advice ONLY when asked and only offer hugs and encouragement the rest of the time. I want to come to the end of my child rearing years and say that I raised my kids to the glorification of my God and I taught them what God's grace lived out, means.

 There is more than one way to be a godly mother.  Whatever way or combination of ways you parent your gifts from the Lord, do it to God's glory and He will bless your efforts. I have come up with a list of a few things I refuse to feel guilty about and another list of things that if I didn't feel guilty about not accomplishing them, then I am not who I claim.

I refuse to feel guilty about.....

1. Using formula: I 100% believe that breastfeeding is God's design. I think it's natural and has many health benefits for mom and baby. We live in a fallen world and because of that, the natural and best way doesn't always work. I have done it semi-successfully twice but have never completed the full first year recommendation. You know? I am ok with that. All three of my children are loved, well fed and get good care. I won't feel guilty that my child has a full belly from formula.

2. Choosing public school: My husband and I prayed, sought counsel, talked to other parents and older kids about the possible school options since our oldest was a baby. We looked very carefully at the pros and cons of home school, public school and private school. In the end, we chose public school. Has it been easy sticking to our decision? Not always. Would we make the same one? Yes. We continue to think about, pray, and evaluate our kids and how they are doing. We may at some point do something else, but right now we feel this is where we belong. I refuse to feel guilty about that.

3. Letting my kids watch TV: I LOVE my kids. They are creative, funny and bright blessings in my life. Do I sometimes let them watch TV so I can get something done? ABSOLUTELY. Sometimes, I let them watch it because we just need some chill time and a short show on PBS helps. Sometimes, I let them watch TV because they want to watch it. My kids are healthy, well-adjusted children. They watch TV sometimes and I will not feel guilty about that.


Things I will and should feel guilt about:

1. If I don't tell and live out the Love of Christ for my kids then I have not done a good job as a parent.

2. If I don't love their daddy and respect him and show them what a godly wife looks like then I will feel guilty about that.

3. If I don't model for my kids what a relationship with Jesus looks like. If they never see me pray, read my Bible and discuss spiritual things then I am not doing right by them.

4. If I never say I am sorry to them when I have wronged them. If I don't listen to them, or show an interest in them,. then I have not accomplished what I should as a parent.

These are things I want most.  These are things that I am going to focus on. If I am living my life for Christ, seeking Him and spending time with Him, then I will be able to more easily know what is right for my kids. However you parent, do it to the Glory of God. Don't judge other moms. Love them. They need it, just like you do. If they are loving their kids well, even if it's not how you would, they need to be told they are doing a good job. I promise to do my best not to judge you or add to your mom guilt, can you do the same for me?

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31