As moms we all have things we feel we must do to be good parents. Whether we have read it in a book, have seen someone do it, or just listened to moms talking, we often get an idea of how we want to parent before our kids are born. Sometimes, as hard as we try, we just can't do some of those things or we realize there is a better way for us. We try to let it go but we can't and that's when it starts. Mom guilt. That feeling that you have failed as parent because you didn't do something like you thought it had to be done. We have all felt it. We see our mom friends, read blogs, and watch perfect strangers accomplish that thing or things we didn't, and we feel tremendous guilt. Most of the time it's our own insecurities, but sometimes even our well-meaning friends "help us" by asking things like; "Oh, you let your child watch that?" or "We don't allow Tommy to eat that." The guilt you are already experiencing is multiplied because now you think "Not only am I not accomplishing everything I thought I should at this point, but my friend thinks I am a loser mom too." There is also a thing my husband calls, "Quiet disapproval". Those times when we clearly don't agree with what our mom friend is doing, but instead of just saying it, we sit in silence, all the while we are thinking "If they would only do it like we do, then they wouldn't have that problem."
You know what? I am so tired of that garbage. First of all, we as mom's should be supporting one another. Being a mom is hard. No matter how you do it, it's tough. Second, being a godly mom is even tougher. Raising your kids to love God, to love the people around them, and to see themselves in light of God's love for them is a real challenge. I think it's time we stop looking down our noses at each other and start praying for each other. We should be encouraging each other in our walks with the Lord. We should be offering advice ONLY when asked and only offer hugs and encouragement the rest of the time. I want to come to the end of my child rearing years and say that I raised my kids to the glorification of my God and I taught them what God's grace lived out, means.
There is more than one way to be a godly mother. Whatever way or combination of ways you parent your gifts from the Lord, do it to God's glory and He will bless your efforts. I have come up with a list of a few things I refuse to feel guilty about and another list of things that if I didn't feel guilty about not accomplishing them, then I am not who I claim.
I refuse to feel guilty about.....
1. Using formula: I 100% believe that breastfeeding is God's design. I think it's natural and has many health benefits for mom and baby. We live in a fallen world and because of that, the natural and best way doesn't always work. I have done it semi-successfully twice but have never completed the full first year recommendation. You know? I am ok with that. All three of my children are loved, well fed and get good care. I won't feel guilty that my child has a full belly from formula.
2. Choosing public school: My husband and I prayed, sought counsel, talked to other parents and older kids about the possible school options since our oldest was a baby. We looked very carefully at the pros and cons of home school, public school and private school. In the end, we chose public school. Has it been easy sticking to our decision? Not always. Would we make the same one? Yes. We continue to think about, pray, and evaluate our kids and how they are doing. We may at some point do something else, but right now we feel this is where we belong. I refuse to feel guilty about that.
3. Letting my kids watch TV: I LOVE my kids. They are creative, funny and bright blessings in my life. Do I sometimes let them watch TV so I can get something done? ABSOLUTELY. Sometimes, I let them watch it because we just need some chill time and a short show on PBS helps. Sometimes, I let them watch TV because they want to watch it. My kids are healthy, well-adjusted children. They watch TV sometimes and I will not feel guilty about that.
Things I will and should feel guilt about:
1. If I don't tell and live out the Love of Christ for my kids then I have not done a good job as a parent.
2. If I don't love their daddy and respect him and show them what a godly wife looks like then I will feel guilty about that.
3. If I don't model for my kids what a relationship with Jesus looks like. If they never see me pray, read my Bible and discuss spiritual things then I am not doing right by them.
4. If I never say I am sorry to them when I have wronged them. If I don't listen to them, or show an interest in them,. then I have not accomplished what I should as a parent.
These are things I want most. These are things that I am going to focus on. If I am living my life for Christ, seeking Him and spending time with Him, then I will be able to more easily know what is right for my kids. However you parent, do it to the Glory of God. Don't judge other moms. Love them. They need it, just like you do. If they are loving their kids well, even if it's not how you would, they need to be told they are doing a good job. I promise to do my best not to judge you or add to your mom guilt, can you do the same for me?
"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Our Family Mission Statement
The Purcell Family Mission Statement
We, the Purcell Family want to make God happy. We want to grow to love God more. We will work hard to get along with each other and play well together. We will try our best to love each other like God wants us to. We will help each other with hard and easy things. We will have happy hearts and we will work to show our friends and other family members our happy hearts and love. With God’s help, we will work to love, help and do what’s right.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Colored Copy Paper, a Spiral Notebook and a New Hat
Last night I went to Target to get the usual suspects; laundry soap, kitchen sponges, etc. I also went to get the last few items on my oldest son's(My bean) school supply list. Target was a madhouse. Many new and returning University students were there with parents getting dorm rooms stocked and comfort items found. Several families with children of varying ages were also there to get last minute school items. There were only a few carts left at the front of the store and the isles were packed with people. I have been struggling to find the colored copy paper listed on Bean's school supply list. I have looked several places and Target was the last place I was going to look before I threw my hands up in surrender to his new 1st grade teacher.
When I couldn't 't find the paper I needed I decided to head over to the cleaning supplies. That's where the anxiety started. There were so many people on each isle. So many moms buying toilet brushes and vacuums for their babies who were leaving home for the first time. I overheard discussions about laundry soap and bar soap. I even listened to a mom and a dad talk about whether the box of 400 dryer sheets would last their daughter an entire semester. Overall I am not an anxious person. I have struggled with anxiety in the past but I work very hard at keeping a calm spirit. I am not sure why, but I couldn't do it this time. No matter how hard I tried I felt that familiar, aching in my stomach and it increased with each step. It became very frustrating that I couldn't identify the reason for my inward turmoil. Was it all the people? Was it the fact that my purse, although buried by future purchases, was in the front of my cart and I could hear anyone who is, was, or ever thought about being a mother telling me in my head to move it(I did by the way)? Or, was it just the realization that before I want it too, my now first grader, preschooler and cheerio eating infant would be the ones buying cleaning products and hand sanitizer for their dorm rooms? Whatever the reason, I was to the point of getting tearful.
As I was making a third loop around the store to find that copy paper I remembered that I need a couple of school supplies too. I am starting school on Monday with my boys. I am only taking one online class but as a mother of three with other responsibilities, it is going to be a challenge. I made my way to the paper section of the school supplies and although I didn't find the copy paper, I did find a purple spiral notebook with flowers on it. I don't know if I even need it, but it sure made me feel better. Something about it, its purple hue, the flowers, not sure. It just helped. As I walked towards the front, new notebook in hand and still copy paperless, I was finally able to put my finger on my troubles. I am yet again entering a new season. I have two kids in a five day school now. I have a baby who is getting closer to her first birthday by the minute. I am now not only a wife and mommy but I am also a student. I am adding a new hat to my collection of roles and part of that is so exciting and part of that is so terrifying. I don't want to be the mom that does it all, I just want to do all that I have been called to do, well.
We bought a white board for the house to display chores, our family mission statement, and a verse for the family for each week. I am prayerfully deciding what the first verse should be, but I am leaning towards Philippians 4:6-7 or Joshua 1:9. Either way these verses will be the theme of my week and the weeks to come. Its going to be an exciting fall and as long as I am trusting the Lord and not myself and seeking Him in all things, He will direct my path.(Proverbs 3:5-6)
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NLT)
When I couldn't 't find the paper I needed I decided to head over to the cleaning supplies. That's where the anxiety started. There were so many people on each isle. So many moms buying toilet brushes and vacuums for their babies who were leaving home for the first time. I overheard discussions about laundry soap and bar soap. I even listened to a mom and a dad talk about whether the box of 400 dryer sheets would last their daughter an entire semester. Overall I am not an anxious person. I have struggled with anxiety in the past but I work very hard at keeping a calm spirit. I am not sure why, but I couldn't do it this time. No matter how hard I tried I felt that familiar, aching in my stomach and it increased with each step. It became very frustrating that I couldn't identify the reason for my inward turmoil. Was it all the people? Was it the fact that my purse, although buried by future purchases, was in the front of my cart and I could hear anyone who is, was, or ever thought about being a mother telling me in my head to move it(I did by the way)? Or, was it just the realization that before I want it too, my now first grader, preschooler and cheerio eating infant would be the ones buying cleaning products and hand sanitizer for their dorm rooms? Whatever the reason, I was to the point of getting tearful.
As I was making a third loop around the store to find that copy paper I remembered that I need a couple of school supplies too. I am starting school on Monday with my boys. I am only taking one online class but as a mother of three with other responsibilities, it is going to be a challenge. I made my way to the paper section of the school supplies and although I didn't find the copy paper, I did find a purple spiral notebook with flowers on it. I don't know if I even need it, but it sure made me feel better. Something about it, its purple hue, the flowers, not sure. It just helped. As I walked towards the front, new notebook in hand and still copy paperless, I was finally able to put my finger on my troubles. I am yet again entering a new season. I have two kids in a five day school now. I have a baby who is getting closer to her first birthday by the minute. I am now not only a wife and mommy but I am also a student. I am adding a new hat to my collection of roles and part of that is so exciting and part of that is so terrifying. I don't want to be the mom that does it all, I just want to do all that I have been called to do, well.
We bought a white board for the house to display chores, our family mission statement, and a verse for the family for each week. I am prayerfully deciding what the first verse should be, but I am leaning towards Philippians 4:6-7 or Joshua 1:9. Either way these verses will be the theme of my week and the weeks to come. Its going to be an exciting fall and as long as I am trusting the Lord and not myself and seeking Him in all things, He will direct my path.(Proverbs 3:5-6)
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NLT)
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sometimes you just have to laugh.
Do you ever ask why? Sure you do. I do too. I have asked why to those really tough questions., but that's not what I am going to talk about in this post.
I have asked why a little less to those things that are not terrible but definitely inconvenient. Like why we got stuck in a four traffic jam on the interstate or why I forgot to pay my phone bill and then proceed to call the phone company to rant about THEIR mistake (I am a work of grace in progress). But I am not even talking about those things. I am talking about the whys, that at the end of the day you have to laugh about it. The things that get retold at parties, or the things that you find yourself stopping and laughing out loud about in the grocery store. You don't do that? Don't come shopping with me, you might be embarrassed. Do you ever ask........
Why does your baby have a diaper blow out in the parking lot of the grocery store when your older kid has to use the potty in an emergency kind of way, you have one wipe left and no extra outfit?
Why, when you are reading a blog to your husband about how you are both going miss the preschool years, your son tries to talk to your husband the whole time you are reading and your baby's spoon that is covered in orangey mush, goes tumbling down your pants?
Why do you only spill food on the one part of your shirt that is the most visible to everyone, when you don't have time to change?
Why is it when you go to bed late your kids wake up early?
I try to look for lessons in life. I find them often but sometimes I think the lesson is just to relax. To be humble. To remember that a clean shirt, a blog read, and a well rested self isn't the most important thing. I think these things are good reminder to laugh at yourself. To cut yourself some slack and to help others do the same. I think God has a sense of humor too. And I think He laughs (in perfect divine love) at us sometimes. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our clumsiness, our absent-mindedness and our weaknesses and He loves us anyway. He thinks we are neat because we are His. So the next time my child walks out of the bathroom with no clothes on while company is over, and I spend 10 minutes fixing my hair to find our later that I have a kool-aid smile, I am going to laugh. Its better than crying.
I have asked why a little less to those things that are not terrible but definitely inconvenient. Like why we got stuck in a four traffic jam on the interstate or why I forgot to pay my phone bill and then proceed to call the phone company to rant about THEIR mistake (I am a work of grace in progress). But I am not even talking about those things. I am talking about the whys, that at the end of the day you have to laugh about it. The things that get retold at parties, or the things that you find yourself stopping and laughing out loud about in the grocery store. You don't do that? Don't come shopping with me, you might be embarrassed. Do you ever ask........
Why does your baby have a diaper blow out in the parking lot of the grocery store when your older kid has to use the potty in an emergency kind of way, you have one wipe left and no extra outfit?
Why, when you are reading a blog to your husband about how you are both going miss the preschool years, your son tries to talk to your husband the whole time you are reading and your baby's spoon that is covered in orangey mush, goes tumbling down your pants?
Why do you only spill food on the one part of your shirt that is the most visible to everyone, when you don't have time to change?
Why is it when you go to bed late your kids wake up early?
I try to look for lessons in life. I find them often but sometimes I think the lesson is just to relax. To be humble. To remember that a clean shirt, a blog read, and a well rested self isn't the most important thing. I think these things are good reminder to laugh at yourself. To cut yourself some slack and to help others do the same. I think God has a sense of humor too. And I think He laughs (in perfect divine love) at us sometimes. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our clumsiness, our absent-mindedness and our weaknesses and He loves us anyway. He thinks we are neat because we are His. So the next time my child walks out of the bathroom with no clothes on while company is over, and I spend 10 minutes fixing my hair to find our later that I have a kool-aid smile, I am going to laugh. Its better than crying.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Why I started blogging(again)
Life is so hard sometimes. Life is also just a hoot sometimes. Add three kids and a husband and you never know what is going to happen. I want to share life. The hard, the crazy, the hilarious and the hootable(word? Not sure.). God created us to be people that need each other. To share life with each other. This is one way to do that. Its therapuetic for me and if it helps someone or makes them smile even just a little, then it's worth it. So for better or for worse, for one reader or hundreds(a girl can dream, right?), here we go....
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